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Poetry by Dysphor


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June 20, 2004
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Still noon in the paddy fields
in Kerala, we sank a well
to stem the flow of desert,
but came up smelling of dust.
Watched rice plants wither as the slow sun
silenced resolve in angry glare,
and warm dry gusts scattered
hope to the four corners.

In Palakkad, an empty street, sold
to ten million-dollar-a-day death,
men nurse wounds and children.
The women have gone to find water-
when the supply runs altogether dry,
we may find out how to swallow
the dust.  Or our pride.  Lesson taught,
we shall learn to drink coke.

Still noon in the baking heat
within the walled compound, we
stand around on wounded feet
spreading slurry on the ground.
So here, at least, is water
(to dampen a capital purse)
So here we earn our living -
a litre a day (could be worse).

Outside, the world is barren,
the earth is cracked and bare.
As boreholes tap our reservoirs
at last we’ve learnt to share.
So desert soil is progress,
and bitter stench is joy.
Infected feet dance to the beat
of the jingle writer’s bitter-sweet
irrigation for the soul.
Inspired by this article, and many others like it. Still in progress.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2004-12-31
Landlocked octopus in more home's than a Godzilla movie. More welcome than a dentist. Lasts longer than a city when empty. Coke by *futilitarian ( Suggested by naught101 and Featured by inennui )

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconwakamash:
Wakamash Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2011   General Artist
Very thought provoking, love it. (:
Reply
:iconk-sajid:
K-Sajid Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2007
This was nothing short of wonderful. I loved every bit. That was horrible news; I think you have portrayed it through poetry really well.
(to dampen a capital purse) ah that line just got me!
Reply
:iconnaught101:
naught101 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2007
nearly three years since I first read this poem, and I still remember the shiver up the spine from the first time.

This is, at least for now, the best poem I have ever read.
Reply
:iconfutilitarian:
futilitarian Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2007   Writer
Wow, thanks for the compliment, although I feel bound to urge you to read better poems :D
Reply
:iconnaught101:
naught101 Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2008
I have taken that suggestion somewhat. Bruce Dawe is one of my favourite poets. Also, Kahlil Gibran's poem about children in "The Prophet" is amazing.

Do you have any suggestions? Especially political poetry?
Reply
:iconmomofindians:
momofindians Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2006   Writer
Wow this is powerful. I can't imagine the horror of these people, trusting the helping hand then getting bit. Yikes!
Reply
:iconoriginill:
originill Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2005   Writer
big ups.
Reply
:iconnakedpoesy:
NakedPoesy Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2005
i have nothing advanced to say critique-wise. its eitherb een said, or doesn't need to be.

what i can say is this:
beautiful. incredibly.
Reply
:icondarrenx:
Darrenx Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2005   Writer
read the poem, read the article, reread the poem

nicely done :+fav:

congratulations

i feel special, you're the first person i've ever watched prior to getting a DD
Reply
:iconfutilitarian:
futilitarian Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2005   Writer
Will it ruin your mood if I tell you it's my second DD?

:D
Reply
:icondarrenx:
Darrenx Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2005   Writer
no, because i didn't know that
Reply
:iconfutilitarian:
futilitarian Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2005   Writer
nor did i? know what? oh yeah

no, i think it might have been on a different account.

sorry, i'm a little bit squiffy.
Reply
:icondarrenx:
Darrenx Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2005   Writer
it's ok
Reply
:icondampes8n:
DampeS8N Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
this is good...
I'd like to have seen more irony with its form though. Perhaps a coke feel to word choice and meter...
still...
It is good to see poetry in the features.. I only wish it were more common. And with the lack of valid fav in the writting gal.s I would hope to see more in the features.

If I had more time i'd go into greater detailed crits... but i don't... so i wont.

feel free to crit something of mine and i'll make the time to do the same.
Reply
:iconmassder:
massder Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004   Interface Designer
oh coke you rascals :D
Reply
:iconraven8t8:
raven8t8 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004  Professional General Artist
I still love coke (for the taste, not their business ethics), but hey, excellent writing :)
Reply
:iconwolf-dai:
wolf-dai Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
he he!! i love reading the stuff at the bottom!! cool pic.
Reply
:iconskittle:
skittle Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
i hate soda..
Reply
:iconxxxlady-cymateranxxx:
certainly worthy of DD, congrats

great imagery and mood, and you just the play the words so nicely together
Reply
:iconsanah82:
sanah82 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
devastatingly beautiful.
i can relate to the theme as the taps run dry around here as well.
can't give heavy critique but had to say i loved it.
Reply
:iconkupogames:
KupoGames Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
I also like Coke.
Reply
:iconbloody-lover:
Bloody-Lover Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004  Student
Hi, I like coke.
Reply
:iconsquid-:
squid- Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
im not usually much for poetry. normally i either surmize that i cant begin to grasp what they are expressing or that its a load of sugar-coated bull.
that aside, i thoroughly enjoyed this, if enjoyment is the word to describe what one feels about such a depressing yet eye-opening piece. rather, it impacted me.
well done.
Reply
:iconninfalath:
Ninfalath Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004   Digital Artist
I see you want an advanced critique < shrugs> sorry. Just wanted to thank you for that information, How easy do Americans turn an eye on what damage we cause in other countries just so we get richer. The image and the poem have some serious power. Thank you for posting it. I hate outsourcing.
Reply
:iconlevdir:
levdir Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
I am officially done drinking soft drinks. I love them, but that's just disgusting. Thank you for an eye-opening poem.
Reply
:icondaneford04:
daneford04 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004   Photographer
I love coke :(
Reply
:iconheretic2001:
heretic2001 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
that this last daily deviation of 2004 could help changing the world! have a nice year with no coke!
Reply
:icongeekyartjunkie:
geekyartjunkie Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004   Interface Designer
wow...

read that article, that is freaking... wow...

i figured corporations were evil but not THAT evil...

i knew stuff like this happened, in the back of my head... but i've never actually been proved correct about it... goodness...

thats my personality though, to be paranoid of "success" such as that...

and soda sucks anyways... blech!
Reply
:iconeatingconcrete:
eatingconcrete Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
love it
Reply
:iconmickeblue:
mickeblue Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
Never mind all that it's a great piece, and I'd take my hat off to you ( yeah! if I had one ) for putting this together. Bravo! :bow:

Why do people continue to buy Coke? I've never figured that one out. It tastes like shit and it's made by a company that think they have the right to continually take the piss ( and obviously all the other water ).
Reply
:iconwazabees:
wazabees Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
I love coke.. :/
Reply
:icondelysid:
Delysid Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
Bravo :clap:
In fact, it should be better if someone could hack the printing machine of the labels of coca cola and put your print instead of the original :D
Reply
:iconkimi-lady:
kimi-lady Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004  Professional Photographer
Great work, well done. very poignant. :)
Reply
:iconjameela007:
jameela007 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
so true
so sad

i dont care whatone of your commenters said. i think that expressing yourself is better than nothing
and if you feel that way about cola (which i understand and agree with), you go ahead and express yourself :)

i think everything begins on a small scale, whether it be writing a poem or drawing a poster. either wayyoure getting your message out there. andpeople will here it and respond
:clap:
Reply
:iconmattgallan:
MattGAllan Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004  Professional Photographer
:w00t: coke! :D
Reply
:iconotcho:
Otcho Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004   Writer
Lovely!
Reply
:iconaka-trent:
AKA-Trent Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
check out this site Killercoke.org you will like it based on your concern with the water issue. how about human rights violations. again thats killercoke.org
Reply
:iconfabianfucci:
fabianfucci Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004  Professional Filmographer
1 liter a day??? wow, in Argentina we hardly hit the 1/3 liter a day.
Reply
:icontahrikmili:
tahrikmili Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
How dare you insult the brown bubbly nectar of the gods..
Reply
:icondevilishpheonix:
devilishpheonix Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
Great work ... very impresive
Reply
:iconlivedead:
livedead Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
Thats just wrong. Someone is getting rich while these people and their land DIES.
:no:

Very nice piece that you have done.
It's a shame where the inspiration is from though.
I stopped buying and drinking diet coke~a~cola about 2 weeks ago.
:D
Reply
:iconcheese-cube:
cheese-cube Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
Interesting. If your interested you might want to check out this. It's on the same subject as your inspiration.
Reply
:iconshes-a-vamp:
shes-a-vamp Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2004
congratulations on daily deviation.

i realize there's a reason behind everything you do -- poets are typically methodical or chaotically disorganized.

-smiles- i hate coca cola.
Reply
:iconnumberofthebeast:
NumberoftheBeast Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2004
Unhealthy beverages make me sad.

The murder of union organizers in South America by Coke makes me sad.

Capitalist exploitation makes me sad.



Your poem sheds some light on the reality of global capitalist culture while making a beautiful piece of art. I only hope that I am not the only one that is saddened by this.


:peace:
Reply
:iconcomesailaway:
ComeSailAway Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
Sorry I don't have a critique for you, I don't know much about poetry, but I do know quite a lot about India. One of my best friend's parent's are from Kerala. I always wondered why they advertised Coke so much. It's a great poem, I really liked it.

Also, in many of the ads I've seen it says, "ke saath" do you know what that means?
Reply
:iconjameela007:
jameela007 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004
ke saath mean with
if it says coke ke saath=with coke
paani ke saath(for example)=with water
i hope thathelps
Reply
:iconcomesailaway:
ComeSailAway Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconacadian10:
Acadian10 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2004
Excellent poem! In Syria or Yemen, I forget, but around that region it's actually cheaper to buy Coke than water, nevermind fresh water. And the sugar intact gives a mental imbalance. Just think what people of the past would think if they sudddenly showed up in the present and watched us consume like we do. And what stresses me is that humanity is not lacking in foods, it's just the way we trade that makes some parts the world starve to death. Supply and demand for profit, plus death in some hidden corner, away from the mass media, equals a Western lifestyle.

Again, I love your poem!
Reply
:iconindia:
india Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2004
This is rather good.
Reply
:iconareincarnation:
areincarnation Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2004
okey dokey..

firstly, i don't particularly care for sociopolitical poetry in that it seems so shallow to me these days... why write when one can act.. and if one cared that much.. why waste so much time on DA.. :)

howevr, that aside, i found the poem to be generally strong rhythmically... however, the last line shuffles it completely and fucks it up for me.. this doesn't ad to the feel, content or message of hte poem.. it's a weak ending..

perhaps..

"of the writer’s bitter-sweet
irrigation of the soul. "

either way.. "jingle" fucks it all up.. however, i see how jingle keeps it in line with the capitalism theme... and that without it the image is suddenly arbitrary..

so...

*shrugs..
:)
danny
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