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The Gay Plague is an Infectious Disease which is presently believed to be uncurable.  Although historically a number of religious and medical authorities have claimed to have the ability to cure Gay, there is no evidence to support their assertions.  Those infected with Gay often go on to live otherwise healthy and fulfilling lives.

History

Doctor Charlene Hammett first described the symptoms of primary-stage Gay Plague ("The Gay") in her 1994 doctoral thesis^[1].  There is some debate over the early signs, although many authorities now agree that it began with a sudden upsurge in the sale of Kylie Minogue CDs^[2].

From 2001 onwards many suffers began to experience secondary stage Gay. Physiotherapy wards were full of men unable to walk without swishing and gliding^[3].  Football matches went unwatched^[4] while former sports fans spent their weekends choosing drapes.  Women took up tennis, bought hiking boots and stopped waxing their excess facial hair.^{[citation needed]}  

The World Health Organisation was slow to respond to the crisis, initially releasing a statement asserting that the Gay Plague did not constitute a pandemic^[5].  It was forced to reverse this decision following the Broadway Riots of 2026, in which twelve people were seriously injured and one man was crushed to death after trying to enter a sell-out performance of Hairspray.  

The condition was thought to be largely non-fatal and benign until birth rates began to plummet from 2035 onwards even amongst the hitherto burgeoning populations in less economically developed countries.^{[citation needed]}  Initially it was thought that The Gay symptomatology included infertility, but fertility rates in those infected were found to be broadly similar to the population as a whole ^[6]

Symptoms

Symptoms of The Gay differ widely.  For male patients, symptoms may include disinterest in contact sports, exaggerated personal grooming behaviour, and affected speech and manner.  For female patients, observed symptoms include participation in competitive sports, the inability to apply makeup, and the wearing of Gore-Tex.  There is no acid-test for Gay, although patients of both genders have, in small-scale trials, been noted to demonstrate a measurable predisposition towards same-gendered sexual attraction^[7].  However, critics of this hypothesis cite the apparent healthy platonic relationships Gays are capable of forming with members of the opposite sex.^{[citation needed]}


References:

^{[1] Hammett, C (1994); Infectious Homopreferentialism in Higher Mammals
[2] The Sunday Express (12/04/2011); Kylie propelled to new heights by Gay
[3] British Medical Journal (06/2013); The Physiology of Gayness
[4] Sunday Sport (16/09/2014); Millers v Blades play to empty stadium
[5] World Health Organisation (21/06/2014); Risk of Gayness 'Overstated' say leading medical experts
[6] JAMA (08/2034); Gay and non-Gay: A fertility comparison
[7] Reuters (30/01/2030); Study shows Gay sufferers are Homosexual}